with A.Z. Araujo - Episode 24:

Defining Moments

with A.Z. Araujo - Episode 24:

Defining Moments

CUSTOM JAVASCRIPT / HTML
Have you ever experienced a moment in your life that defined who you would become? Of course, you have, we all have. What we allow to define us will determine the path we follow for the rest of our lives. When tragedy strikes and failures come upon us, we need to shake off the story and stand firm in the belief that it will not define who we are. Pick yourself up and leave the story of failure behind you; keep your mind focused on moving forward, knowing that success can take more than one set back to be achieved fully. Let your success, not your failures define who you are and who you will be.
Defining Moments
  • ​What a great holiday weekend we had out in California; 30 degrees cooler and so many lessons learned. One of the things I am going to challenge you to do is to look at what life is teaching you, where you can improve it, and be better in all aspects of it. The more aware I am, the better life seems to get because I can reflect on what is going on in my life right now. 
  • ​It's a double-edged sword when you do that because now you know and it eliminates you being oblivious to why you don't have the things you desire and why you have the things you have. You become aware of why your life is the way it is. 
  • ​It's a great day today, and we are six months into this game, with six months remaining to achieve what we want. As a reminder, we do have a mid-year review that we have planned for July 18th, which you need to sign-up to attend. We have some cool merchandise to give away, recognition for our Top Producers for the first six months and we are going recalibrate and recommit as a group. 
  • ​Before we do that together I want you to start doing that now; don't wait until the 18th to realize what it is you want to create over the next six months. We are going to break it down; we are going to reverse engineer and identify what is possible for us over the six months. 
  • ​The topic at hand is Defining Moments. Problems and obstacles occur in our lives, and there are Defining Moments. Often these Defining Moments occur through our failures. They occur through tragedies and build certain things in our life, which we create stories from; fear, apprehension, hesitation, etc. There are all types of things that happen in Defining Moments, and it usually occurs when we fail at something.
  • ​It doesn't have to major occurrences; it can be minor things. One of them for us as a family, happened recently and maybe you can correlate this to your business and see yourself in certain aspects of what I am going to tell you. This weekend we were at the beach, and both of my daughters and I were playing in the ocean. We were letting the waves hit us and jumping up as the waves came down. I would grab both of their hands and reassure them, and wouldn't let them go. 
  • ​There was this one wave, in particular, that was too big, and I slipped and let go of my ten-year-olds hand. I was frantic in the water because I was supposed to hold her hand and I had reassured her of that, and I panicked for a split second. You will not win against mother nature. She wasn't necessarily in danger, as the water was shallow, but it freaked me out. It freaked her out more, and I could see the fear in her eyes after she got up. Immediately she told me she was done playing. 
  • ​This is a ten-year-old that was excited about the waves, she didn't want to get out of the water and all of the sudden something happens that causes her to question everything about her enjoying her time. We could have easily stopped, but I knew this was a Defining Moment for her. If she would have stopped playing in the ocean, the last thing she would have remembered about the ocean was that it was dangerous.
  • ​The last thing she would have remembered was that she didn't have fun because she swallowed some water and it scared her and knocked her down. If we would have stopped right there, that is the only memory she would have had.
  • ​I think it was so crucial for me to encourage her to stay in the water; she wanted to leave. I had to explain to her why it was vital for her to stay in the water. I reminded her of how much fun she was having, that she was in no danger at all because what was happening in her mind was that she was creating a story and defining her life moving forward about the fears of water. 
  • ​I sat there, and I told her she had to stay there, you love the water, and if you leave now, you will forget about all of the good memories we had here today. She hesitated and told me she wanted to go. As parents, we need to take a stand sometimes because we know better, I know better. I told her that we would go in the shallow water and she was okay with that, and we progressively began to go back to where we were initially. 
  • ​Was there some fear in her mind? Absolutely. She was able to overcome, and she shattered that story then and there. We are defined by the moments that we fail to overcome. You are defined by the moments that you fail to overcome. All the fears and stories, all of the hesitation; that was all defined from a moment in your life that was never corrected, and you never attempted it again.
If at First You Don't Succeed
  • I was reading some statistics about how often businesses fail; the odds are against you. After five years it says that over 66 % of businesses fail. The grand majority. One statistic I found interesting said that after failing, 71% of individuals never try again. They had these high ambitions and these large goals, but as soon as an obstacle overcame them, which is a failure, they lost money and put their family at risk; 71% will never try again
  • ​What was more interesting those that do try are more likely to succeed the second time. This was a Defining Moment for them; the pain was too big. I get it; I had a lot of hesitation after I failed miserably after I put my family in financial devastation. I didn't want to venture out again; I wanted to play it safe and hold back because I never wanted to experience that again. I was more likely to succeed the second time and even more likely to succeed the third time.
  • ​We take these Defining Moments, and we realize them as fact. We observe it and process it as fact. So when you go to listing appointment, and it goes wrong, all of the sudden you have defined yourself as not being a good listing agent; the odds of you getting another listing now go by the wayside. You start to only focus on buyers because that is easier, that is your forte and what you are good at. You defined your story based on failure, not realizing that it is making you, that you needed to go through that failure to become better. 
  • ​You are more likely to succeed the second time, and if you fail the second time, you are more likely to succeed the third time. We do this often on the things you know that will make you successful in real estate. We all know that Open Houses are still one of the best and most profitable ways to grow your business. But because we go through it once or twice and nobody shows up, we think we have some solid contacts, and they don't pan out, we stop doing it and get it in our heads that this is the story moving forward; open houses do not work. 
  • ​They may work for everyone else that is consistent with it, but for me, it doesn't work A.Z. So we take that failure as a fact when it truly is just a moment in time, it was just a Rep. We need to understand that there are Defining Moments all around us and we can't assume that it is a fact because it happened to us the first, second or third time. You are more likely to succeed when you keep going; otherwise, we create these stories in our minds, these fears making us apprehensive and hesitant. When the statistics show that every time you try, you are more likely to succeed after failing before that time. 
  • ​Some of you have sworn off of live videos because the one that you attempted, you felt you looked stupid, you didn't make sense, like a deer in the headlights. I have been in all of those situations, and I have left them up. You want to look at somebody and have a laugh? Look at my videos from 2014. I didn't make sense half of the time, but it defined me, and I got better after the failures. 
  • ​I didn't make up a story that I wasn't good enough to go live, to speak publicly. Not only am I good enough, but I also kill it because I have my heart, soul, and experiences behind me that fuel me. It allows me to express my passions and the way I interpret life. Guess what? You have those same advantages, but we hold ourselves back because we have been defined our entire lives.
Fear Breeds Fear
  • We need to become aware of it in our own lives today, moving forward. We need to become aware of it in our children's lives moving forward. We cannot allow them to create these Defining Moments based on failures unless it helps them grow and not contract. After I had that conversation with Madeline, I asked her what she had learned from the experience? Try that with your children. 
  • ​After you teach them after you show them after you give them your advice, because you have many more years of life experience than they do; don't just tell them, explain to them and give them a real-life example from your life. Then ask them this important question: what did you learn from this experience? She told me that even though it was scary, she needed to be able to go back in there and make sure that she tried again; otherwise, she would have always been afraid of the ocean.
  • ​Fear creates additional fears, additional stories, but when you can showcase that you can overcome consistently, you become confident in yourself. There is less hesitation, less apprehension because contraction is not a part of how you operate. 
  • ​You may think that it sucked, but you are going to do it again. I am building in my kids that just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. Even if it does, you are going to know what you have to do. Close your mouth, so you don't swallow any water, plug your nose, and you are going to get up; understanding that this is all part of playing on the beach. 
  • ​I doubt that many children drown in 2 feet of water in the ocean at her age, and I made sure of that and assured her it wasn't dangerous. Being way out in the ocean, that is dangerous, and you have to be more cautious; here in this place, have fun. 
  • ​Start thinking about where you have already defined yourself in this business, where have you defined your position when it comes to Open Houses and listing appointments? Where have you already defined your position with live videos and door knocking? Where have you already defined your position based on some failures, although you are more likely to succeed when you keep going? 
  • ​I was reading another statistic that out of all small business owners, we think that 18 - 39-year-olds have a significant share of all small businesses. We see all of these young entrepreneurs that are always out there, and we think they must be the majority. Did you know that entrepreneurs between the ages of 18-39 only own 18 % of small business? The vast majority are individuals between the ages of 40-59, at 60%. You have plenty of time to be successful in this game. 
  • ​It is never too late. If you are in the millennial group, congratulations you are in that 18 %. If you are in the 40 and above, you are more likely to succeed, so keep it up.
Not Your Cross to Bear
  • Where have you defined certain things in your business and your life? Where do you think some of your kids have already established some fears, and how can you help them overcome them? 
  • ​Yesterday my daughter Madeline walks in; I learn so much from her and the questions she asks. Our kids teach us so many lessons and about what life is teaching them. She walks in and sits down next to me, quiet at first but then she pulls up this article about an actor, a Nickelodeon actor that she grew up watching. He had passed away at only 20 years old. She sat there, and I asked her this question: How does that make you feel? All of a sudden, her eyes welled up with tears, and she got really sad. She said she felt terrible for him and his family, and she started to feel down herself. 
  • ​We are all in that situation where we hear about others suffering, and it pains us. We want to do something about it, we want to feel sad and feel what they are feeling. We want to make the situation better and reach out to family members as they are going through these tragic moments. It's not just reaching out, but sometimes we take it on as our issues, our pain, our battle when, in fact, it is not our battle to fight. It was presented to them for a reason and those close to them. 
  • ​You may say that you were close to a family member, an Aunt; but what about her kids, they are closer right? It is their battle to fight. Her husband or someone even closer than you, it's their battle. We see it as it is our battle to fight as well. We need to feel the pain, sadness, and sorrow, and we need to go down the path of taking that on; taking on that burden. I think this often happens where we want to take it on. I know individuals that go to every funeral that they hear about. Even when it is a good friend's best friend, which they didn't know, and they are there with those feelings. 
  • ​Understand when you take on burdens, you weigh yourself down, when you take on the burdens of many individuals that sets you up for failure with the obstacles you have to overcome. Sometimes when you have a significant failure in your life or a big obstacle come up in your life, you don't have the energy or the courage to keep going. Because of the burden you have taken on from others when it isn't your battle. 
  • ​So you kill your business, your connection with your family, you take on behaviors that you shouldn't take on that are not positive for you; you begin overeating, over-drinking, or oversleeping. We have taken on the burdens of others so that when we have something to face, we can't muster up the courage, we don't have the energy, and we are beaten up. All we do is delay growth; we delay expansion because of all of the burdens we are carrying. 
  • ​Some of you carry burdens to this day that are not yours to carry. It isn't your battle to fight, but somehow you feel responsible because you know them. You have your battles to fight, when it comes to your children, your marriage, your financial situation; those are you direct battles. Again, a friend is suffering in their marriage; you take on that burden. A sibling has made some bad decisions, and you take on that burden. 
  • ​When the time comes for you to deal with your obstacles, you don't have enough, and you shut down, killing your momentum. I told my daughter Madeline that it was okay to feel what she was feeling, but she couldn't allow it to ruin her day. She could say a prayer for them and feel bad for them, she could have all of these feelings, but she couldn't take on this burden. It is not her battle to fight; it's his parents battle and those that were close to him.
You're Not a Savior
  • If we start to go down this slippery slope, it affects more than just us; there is collateral damage that happens. Guess what? Life is about great successes and enormous tragedies, but you have your battles to fight. We all wish that family members would make better decisions, we all wish certain relationships were as good as others, we all want to lend a helping hand; but you cannot take those burdens on and kill the momentum you have for your own family. If you are consistently taking on the hardships and struggles of others, that will leave you tired, worn out, and burnt out. 
  • ​When you don't have enough energy to get up and kill it at your business ask yourself who's burdens are you taking on? Burdens are heavy, your troubles and problems are heavy as hell. I cannot afford to take on anyone else's problems because I am not a Saviour. I can be there, I can empathize and sympathize, and if I am in a financial situation that it will not affect my family, I can help out. Some of us don't have that financial backing and help out others, causing direct turmoil to your own family, fights within your own family. All you are doing is putting a Band-aid on a bigger problem, and you have brought that burden onto yourself and your family.
  • ​You are killing your momentum; you are killing your growth. Think about the burdens, and if your business isn't where it should be, what burdens are you taking on? Whose problems are you making your own? Don't have your marriage or your life suffer because you are emotionally, mentally, and physically burnt out by the problems of others. When you take on the burdens of others, and you assume that responsibility for fixing their struggles, other aspects of your life will suffer. Set those boundaries; you are not a savior. If you have the financial means, help them as long as it doesn't affect your family. 
  • ​Don't sacrifice yourself for the lessons that have to be learned by others. The conversation with my daughter went like that. Feel that way, but if you continue to feel like that you will find more things that sadden you, and that is why there is an epidemic of depression and anxiety. We take on too much, and we can't control our actions based on the heaviness of others. Be that strong person because when you fall down that slippery slope, you aren't helping anyone, including the person with the problem. Stand firm and understand that there is a reason they are going through this specific experience in their lives, and it is for them to learn, not for you to carry.
  • ​Two essential lessons here today that we need to think about: these are the things that will fuel your business or kill it. When you believe the stories, you create, you realize certain times in your life define you. We cannot let failure define us unless those failures make us stronger. If it weakens you, then you need to change that story, you have to face that fear whatever that may be. 
  • ​It can be as simple as a live Facebook video, a live Instagram video. There is a story behind that. Where were you embarrassed as a kid? Where were you mocked and ridiculed as a young adult? Why is there so much emphasis about looking silly, dumb, or stupid in front of others? Where was that defined for you as a young child, teenager, or young adult? That was defined somewhere along the line where you were embarrassed, and you couldn't own your skin. You couldn't be yourself, so you had to posture. 
  • ​Those are all defining moments, and when you face a fear, you need to drill down further to find where it originated from. When you see this in your kids, it is your job to help them to overcome these defining moments and make it a positive outcome. There are defining moments all around us, and it is your job to identify them and identify it in the people that depend on you.

More Episodes

CUSTOM JAVASCRIPT / HTML
Have you ever experienced a moment in your life that defined who you would become? Of course, you have, we all have. What we allow to define us will determine the path we follow for the rest of our lives. When tragedy strikes and failures come upon us, we need to shake off the story and stand firm in the belief that it will not define who we are. Pick yourself up and leave the story of failure behind you; keep your mind focused on moving forward, knowing that success can take more than one set back to be achieved fully. Let your success, not your failures define who you are and who you will be.
Defining Moments
  • ​What a great holiday weekend we had out in California; 30 degrees cooler and so many lessons learned. One of the things I am going to challenge you to do is to look at what life is teaching you, where you can improve it, and be better in all aspects of it. The more aware I am, the better life seems to get because I can reflect on what is going on in my life right now. 
  • ​It's a double-edged sword when you do that because now you know and it eliminates you being oblivious to why you don't have the things you desire and why you have the things you have. You become aware of why your life is the way it is. 
  • ​It's a great day today, and we are six months into this game, with six months remaining to achieve what we want. As a reminder, we do have a mid-year review that we have planned for July 18th, which you need to sign-up to attend. We have some cool merchandise to give away, recognition for our Top Producers for the first six months and we are going recalibrate and recommit as a group. 
  • ​Before we do that together I want you to start doing that now; don't wait until the 18th to realize what it is you want to create over the next six months. We are going to break it down; we are going to reverse engineer and identify what is possible for us over the six months. 
  • ​The topic at hand is Defining Moments. Problems and obstacles occur in our lives, and there are Defining Moments. Often these Defining Moments occur through our failures. They occur through tragedies and build certain things in our life, which we create stories from; fear, apprehension, hesitation, etc. There are all types of things that happen in Defining Moments, and it usually occurs when we fail at something.
  • ​It doesn't have to major occurrences; it can be minor things. One of them for us as a family, happened recently and maybe you can correlate this to your business and see yourself in certain aspects of what I am going to tell you. This weekend we were at the beach, and both of my daughters and I were playing in the ocean. We were letting the waves hit us and jumping up as the waves came down. I would grab both of their hands and reassure them, and wouldn't let them go. 
  • ​There was this one wave, in particular, that was too big, and I slipped and let go of my ten-year-olds hand. I was frantic in the water because I was supposed to hold her hand and I had reassured her of that, and I panicked for a split second. You will not win against mother nature. She wasn't necessarily in danger, as the water was shallow, but it freaked me out. It freaked her out more, and I could see the fear in her eyes after she got up. Immediately she told me she was done playing. 
  • ​This is a ten-year-old that was excited about the waves, she didn't want to get out of the water and all of the sudden something happens that causes her to question everything about her enjoying her time. We could have easily stopped, but I knew this was a Defining Moment for her. If she would have stopped playing in the ocean, the last thing she would have remembered about the ocean was that it was dangerous.
  • ​The last thing she would have remembered was that she didn't have fun because she swallowed some water and it scared her and knocked her down. If we would have stopped right there, that is the only memory she would have had.
  • ​I think it was so crucial for me to encourage her to stay in the water; she wanted to leave. I had to explain to her why it was vital for her to stay in the water. I reminded her of how much fun she was having, that she was in no danger at all because what was happening in her mind was that she was creating a story and defining her life moving forward about the fears of water. 
  • ​I sat there, and I told her she had to stay there, you love the water, and if you leave now, you will forget about all of the good memories we had here today. She hesitated and told me she wanted to go. As parents, we need to take a stand sometimes because we know better, I know better. I told her that we would go in the shallow water and she was okay with that, and we progressively began to go back to where we were initially. 
  • ​Was there some fear in her mind? Absolutely. She was able to overcome, and she shattered that story then and there. We are defined by the moments that we fail to overcome. You are defined by the moments that you fail to overcome. All the fears and stories, all of the hesitation; that was all defined from a moment in your life that was never corrected, and you never attempted it again.
If at First You Don't Succeed
  • I was reading some statistics about how often businesses fail; the odds are against you. After five years it says that over 66 % of businesses fail. The grand majority. One statistic I found interesting said that after failing, 71% of individuals never try again. They had these high ambitions and these large goals, but as soon as an obstacle overcame them, which is a failure, they lost money and put their family at risk; 71% will never try again
  • ​What was more interesting those that do try are more likely to succeed the second time. This was a Defining Moment for them; the pain was too big. I get it; I had a lot of hesitation after I failed miserably after I put my family in financial devastation. I didn't want to venture out again; I wanted to play it safe and hold back because I never wanted to experience that again. I was more likely to succeed the second time and even more likely to succeed the third time.
  • ​We take these Defining Moments, and we realize them as fact. We observe it and process it as fact. So when you go to listing appointment, and it goes wrong, all of the sudden you have defined yourself as not being a good listing agent; the odds of you getting another listing now go by the wayside. You start to only focus on buyers because that is easier, that is your forte and what you are good at. You defined your story based on failure, not realizing that it is making you, that you needed to go through that failure to become better. 
  • ​You are more likely to succeed the second time, and if you fail the second time, you are more likely to succeed the third time. We do this often on the things you know that will make you successful in real estate. We all know that Open Houses are still one of the best and most profitable ways to grow your business. But because we go through it once or twice and nobody shows up, we think we have some solid contacts, and they don't pan out, we stop doing it and get it in our heads that this is the story moving forward; open houses do not work. 
  • ​They may work for everyone else that is consistent with it, but for me, it doesn't work A.Z. So we take that failure as a fact when it truly is just a moment in time, it was just a Rep. We need to understand that there are Defining Moments all around us and we can't assume that it is a fact because it happened to us the first, second or third time. You are more likely to succeed when you keep going; otherwise, we create these stories in our minds, these fears making us apprehensive and hesitant. When the statistics show that every time you try, you are more likely to succeed after failing before that time. 
  • ​Some of you have sworn off of live videos because the one that you attempted, you felt you looked stupid, you didn't make sense, like a deer in the headlights. I have been in all of those situations, and I have left them up. You want to look at somebody and have a laugh? Look at my videos from 2014. I didn't make sense half of the time, but it defined me, and I got better after the failures. 
  • ​I didn't make up a story that I wasn't good enough to go live, to speak publicly. Not only am I good enough, but I also kill it because I have my heart, soul, and experiences behind me that fuel me. It allows me to express my passions and the way I interpret life. Guess what? You have those same advantages, but we hold ourselves back because we have been defined our entire lives.
Fear Breeds Fear
  • We need to become aware of it in our own lives today, moving forward. We need to become aware of it in our children's lives moving forward. We cannot allow them to create these Defining Moments based on failures unless it helps them grow and not contract. After I had that conversation with Madeline, I asked her what she had learned from the experience? Try that with your children. 
  • ​After you teach them after you show them after you give them your advice, because you have many more years of life experience than they do; don't just tell them, explain to them and give them a real-life example from your life. Then ask them this important question: what did you learn from this experience? She told me that even though it was scary, she needed to be able to go back in there and make sure that she tried again; otherwise, she would have always been afraid of the ocean.
  • ​Fear creates additional fears, additional stories, but when you can showcase that you can overcome consistently, you become confident in yourself. There is less hesitation, less apprehension because contraction is not a part of how you operate. 
  • ​You may think that it sucked, but you are going to do it again. I am building in my kids that just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. Even if it does, you are going to know what you have to do. Close your mouth, so you don't swallow any water, plug your nose, and you are going to get up; understanding that this is all part of playing on the beach. 
  • ​I doubt that many children drown in 2 feet of water in the ocean at her age, and I made sure of that and assured her it wasn't dangerous. Being way out in the ocean, that is dangerous, and you have to be more cautious; here in this place, have fun. 
  • ​Start thinking about where you have already defined yourself in this business, where have you defined your position when it comes to Open Houses and listing appointments? Where have you already defined your position with live videos and door knocking? Where have you already defined your position based on some failures, although you are more likely to succeed when you keep going? 
  • ​I was reading another statistic that out of all small business owners, we think that 18 - 39-year-olds have a significant share of all small businesses. We see all of these young entrepreneurs that are always out there, and we think they must be the majority. Did you know that entrepreneurs between the ages of 18-39 only own 18 % of small business? The vast majority are individuals between the ages of 40-59, at 60%. You have plenty of time to be successful in this game. 
  • ​It is never too late. If you are in the millennial group, congratulations you are in that 18 %. If you are in the 40 and above, you are more likely to succeed, so keep it up.
Not Your Cross to Bear
  • Where have you defined certain things in your business and your life? Where do you think some of your kids have already established some fears, and how can you help them overcome them? 
  • ​Yesterday my daughter Madeline walks in; I learn so much from her and the questions she asks. Our kids teach us so many lessons and about what life is teaching them. She walks in and sits down next to me, quiet at first but then she pulls up this article about an actor, a Nickelodeon actor that she grew up watching. He had passed away at only 20 years old. She sat there, and I asked her this question: How does that make you feel? All of a sudden, her eyes welled up with tears, and she got really sad. She said she felt terrible for him and his family, and she started to feel down herself. 
  • ​We are all in that situation where we hear about others suffering, and it pains us. We want to do something about it, we want to feel sad and feel what they are feeling. We want to make the situation better and reach out to family members as they are going through these tragic moments. It's not just reaching out, but sometimes we take it on as our issues, our pain, our battle when, in fact, it is not our battle to fight. It was presented to them for a reason and those close to them. 
  • ​You may say that you were close to a family member, an Aunt; but what about her kids, they are closer right? It is their battle to fight. Her husband or someone even closer than you, it's their battle. We see it as it is our battle to fight as well. We need to feel the pain, sadness, and sorrow, and we need to go down the path of taking that on; taking on that burden. I think this often happens where we want to take it on. I know individuals that go to every funeral that they hear about. Even when it is a good friend's best friend, which they didn't know, and they are there with those feelings. 
  • ​Understand when you take on burdens, you weigh yourself down, when you take on the burdens of many individuals that sets you up for failure with the obstacles you have to overcome. Sometimes when you have a significant failure in your life or a big obstacle come up in your life, you don't have the energy or the courage to keep going. Because of the burden you have taken on from others when it isn't your battle. 
  • ​So you kill your business, your connection with your family, you take on behaviors that you shouldn't take on that are not positive for you; you begin overeating, over-drinking, or oversleeping. We have taken on the burdens of others so that when we have something to face, we can't muster up the courage, we don't have the energy, and we are beaten up. All we do is delay growth; we delay expansion because of all of the burdens we are carrying. 
  • ​Some of you carry burdens to this day that are not yours to carry. It isn't your battle to fight, but somehow you feel responsible because you know them. You have your battles to fight, when it comes to your children, your marriage, your financial situation; those are you direct battles. Again, a friend is suffering in their marriage; you take on that burden. A sibling has made some bad decisions, and you take on that burden. 
  • ​When the time comes for you to deal with your obstacles, you don't have enough, and you shut down, killing your momentum. I told my daughter Madeline that it was okay to feel what she was feeling, but she couldn't allow it to ruin her day. She could say a prayer for them and feel bad for them, she could have all of these feelings, but she couldn't take on this burden. It is not her battle to fight; it's his parents battle and those that were close to him.
You're Not a Savior
  • If we start to go down this slippery slope, it affects more than just us; there is collateral damage that happens. Guess what? Life is about great successes and enormous tragedies, but you have your battles to fight. We all wish that family members would make better decisions, we all wish certain relationships were as good as others, we all want to lend a helping hand; but you cannot take those burdens on and kill the momentum you have for your own family. If you are consistently taking on the hardships and struggles of others, that will leave you tired, worn out, and burnt out. 
  • ​When you don't have enough energy to get up and kill it at your business ask yourself who's burdens are you taking on? Burdens are heavy, your troubles and problems are heavy as hell. I cannot afford to take on anyone else's problems because I am not a Saviour. I can be there, I can empathize and sympathize, and if I am in a financial situation that it will not affect my family, I can help out. Some of us don't have that financial backing and help out others, causing direct turmoil to your own family, fights within your own family. All you are doing is putting a Band-aid on a bigger problem, and you have brought that burden onto yourself and your family.
  • ​You are killing your momentum; you are killing your growth. Think about the burdens, and if your business isn't where it should be, what burdens are you taking on? Whose problems are you making your own? Don't have your marriage or your life suffer because you are emotionally, mentally, and physically burnt out by the problems of others. When you take on the burdens of others, and you assume that responsibility for fixing their struggles, other aspects of your life will suffer. Set those boundaries; you are not a savior. If you have the financial means, help them as long as it doesn't affect your family. 
  • ​Don't sacrifice yourself for the lessons that have to be learned by others. The conversation with my daughter went like that. Feel that way, but if you continue to feel like that you will find more things that sadden you, and that is why there is an epidemic of depression and anxiety. We take on too much, and we can't control our actions based on the heaviness of others. Be that strong person because when you fall down that slippery slope, you aren't helping anyone, including the person with the problem. Stand firm and understand that there is a reason they are going through this specific experience in their lives, and it is for them to learn, not for you to carry.
  • ​Two essential lessons here today that we need to think about: these are the things that will fuel your business or kill it. When you believe the stories, you create, you realize certain times in your life define you. We cannot let failure define us unless those failures make us stronger. If it weakens you, then you need to change that story, you have to face that fear whatever that may be. 
  • ​It can be as simple as a live Facebook video, a live Instagram video. There is a story behind that. Where were you embarrassed as a kid? Where were you mocked and ridiculed as a young adult? Why is there so much emphasis about looking silly, dumb, or stupid in front of others? Where was that defined for you as a young child, teenager, or young adult? That was defined somewhere along the line where you were embarrassed, and you couldn't own your skin. You couldn't be yourself, so you had to posture. 
  • ​Those are all defining moments, and when you face a fear, you need to drill down further to find where it originated from. When you see this in your kids, it is your job to help them to overcome these defining moments and make it a positive outcome. There are defining moments all around us, and it is your job to identify them and identify it in the people that depend on you.

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A.Z. & Associates Real Estate Group - 2019