with A.Z. Araujo - Episode 30:

Who Is Hearing You

with A.Z. Araujo - Episode 30:

Who Is Hearing You

CUSTOM JAVASCRIPT / HTML
Referrals are what can make or break your business. A good line of referrals can make you millions over the lifetime of your business; a bad referral can stop you in your tracks. The best referrals come from those who know, like, and trust you; your family and friends. What do they see when they spend time with you? A calm, confident, reasonable person or a short-tempered individual that flies off the handle at the drop of a hat? If all they see from you is that person you used to be and not the business owner you've become; not even your Mama will tell people you're in real estate.
How Are You Perceived?
  • ​Who is Hearing You? I think we all have influence in one form or another. We have significant influence over our kids and spouse; everyone perceives us in a certain way, having opinions of who we are. Everyone understands what triggers you and gets you upset or happy. 
  • ​We don't always realize that, especially when it comes to our businesses. The majority of this game will always come from referrals from the people who know, like, and trust you. Do you realize though there are some individuals, including family and friends, that are hesitant when it comes to referring you? They are not the first one to speak up and tell people that you are an agent. 
  • ​They love you, and will do anything for you, but when it comes to referring you; not so much. Think about the last time someone close to you referred you. If they talked about you consistently, referrals should be coming in every day. Why don't they refer you? I don't think we realize how we show up to other people, and how we parent, the way we handle stressful situations. 
  • ​These people have seen you at your worst and darkest moments; do you think that influences them when it comes to referrals? Do they feel you may disappoint whoever they refer to you? Do they think you may complain about the person to them if they turn out to be a bad client? 
  • ​I think that is something we all have to consider. I have been burned several times after referring a contractor, or a car detailer; they did a great job for me but not the next person. So what happens? We feel responsible for referring that person to our friends. I think they consider that when it comes to real estate knowing it's a significant purchase, and knowing your history. Let's think about how we are perceived. 
  • ​I went to the lake last weekend, and we spent a few hours out there. The whole summer my daughters wanted to use the jet skis we purchased; this was the first time this summer we used them. We have been in the middle of a home remodel for the past few months, and our jet skis were stuck behind the large garbage bin. 
  • ​We were set up in a cove with other people sitting on the shoreline, and we could hear everyone's conversations and watch them interact. There was a family that came in after us, and their kids were having a great time. The man yells suddenly for his kids to get out of the water, and I glance over, and one of the kids has his head down. The man is chastising his kid because of something he said or did. 
  • ​This poor kid, the whole point of going to the lake is to have a good time, and what will he remember? How he got chastised and put on time out. I thought he must have done something pretty bad. He told his Mom that he told the other kids to get the F off of him. I thought that was pretty harsh language; this kid is like ten years old.
  • ​I continued to observe them, and there was a lot of interaction between the adults and all they were doing was cussing up a storm. Cursing isn't bad, and my kids have heard me cuss, but they choose not to follow suit and use that language. But how could I chastise my kid for doing that if I am doing it myself? The kid is listening to all of the F-bombs dropping, what else can he be expected to do? The expectation is though that he should do the opposite of what his parents are doing. 
  • ​This same kid was getting a little rough with the other kids, and he got chastised for that also. Ten minutes later the man is on his raft with a beer in his hand, and he finds a giant earthworm. He begins to chase that kid around with it, and the kid is screaming and crying because he is terrified. What do you think that kid is going to do to other kids?
The Wedge of Hypocrisy
  • We don't realize we do things like this as parents. We get upset with our kids, our spouse, for the very things that we are doing. I had a client who wanted his kids to be football stars. It was imperative that the older son, who was a senior, got noticed by colleges. He was upset with his son because he wasn't as committed as he thought he should be. 
  • ​He wasn't committed to going to practice, working out every day and meeting up with his coaches. Now there is a big wedge between father and son because his son is not committed because he knows what it takes to go to college. He begins to resent his son, for the very things he is unwilling to do himself. It's easier to blame and put that wedge there, then to admit that he is reluctant to do the same things he is telling his son to do. 
  • ​He wasn't willing to go above and beyond to do what it takes to take his family to the next level, but it's easier to blame. He is the one stuck in the same job for 25 years and refuses to grow himself and his family. His son is doing what he is seeing and what he has seen his entire life. Now his son is as resentful as his Dad is to him. The relationship is wedged.
  • ​Taking it back to the referrals, you get upset with your family for not referring their friends to you; but what are you showing them? It's easier to feel entitled to that referral, it's easier to blame your friend for not using you, but what have they seen? We have all been in that situation. 
  • ​You can't believe they went with someone else, but what have they seen from you; the way you parent, the way you handle stress? Maybe the way you feel entitled makes them not want that stress in their lives. They understand exactly how you operate, and it's not what they are hearing but what they are seeing. 
  • ​We need to think of things when we analyze our business model and wonder why we are not getting referrals. Everything you do, including parenting, how you treat your spouse in front of your friends, will determine if they refer you or not. It has nothing to do with their love for you; they don't want to be involved in that situation, where they are embarrassed or make excuses for you. 
  • ​It happens in relationships all of the time as well. We get upset with our spouse for not accepting the new you; the person that said they were going to make changes and do certain things. When you do it, you don't have to convince anyone. So how do you change everyone's perspective of you? Everyone already has a certain perception of who you are and how you operate. How you are when you are happy, upset, or stressed. 
  • ​In this business, referrals are a major component, and we have to learn how to change others perspectives. Some of us are tied to the idea of who we were as teenagers. Until we show a significant difference in who we are to who we were back then, they will always refer to you like that 20-year-old or teenager. It is not your job to get upset with them but to continue to show others how you have grown and changed. 
  • ​You need to be aware of your behaviors. The way you respond and react to everyone, and everything will have a direct impression on they feel you will respond to certain situations. I know we all lose our cool and feel down sometimes, but if that is at the forefront of the minds of those you want to refer you; you have a long way to go. 
  • ​It doesn't mean it isn't going to happen but that you have to be more aware of your situation. Are you always complaining, continually feeling down and out? Are you continuously seeking pity because of your circumstances? Being aware of your actions is huge.
Changing Perception
  • Before you can get there you need to change your perspective of yourself and how you want to be perceived. How do you do that?
  • 1. When we make mistakes, which we will, we need to address the issue head-on. We can't pretend that blowing up didn't happen. It's easy to pass judgment on what other people are doing wrong, but I am constantly looking at myself. 'I'm not always in a place of calmness; I saw myself losing my cool on that lake. The way my daughter came in too fast to the shore; I was getting upset about it when there was no reason for it. 
  • I talked to my daughter about it, and I asked her if I embarrassed her when I questioned her about her speed; some people around heard but she said she wasn't. I needed to have that conversation and not cover up my reaction. The people closest to you will address the issue of why you lost your cool.

  • 2. You need to admit when you are wrong. If you want to change your family's perception of who you are, accept when you are wrong. Getting a great referral source from your family and friends will make you millions of dollars throughout your career. You need them on your bandwagon and to be your greatest cheerleaders. You need to have real and raw conversations with them because avoiding them will create a wedge. Avoiding things makes you feel entitled to other peoples business.

  • 3. Be aware of your behaviors. Catch yourself, and if you are in a stressful situation, how are you responding? How are others perceiving you? You need their referrals, and you need them on your team. If your mother is not referring you, your spouse isn't going above and beyond; it isn't their fault. It's how they perceive you, and that is based 100% on your actions. The way you parent, handle stress, and interact with your spouse, all influences how others perceive you. 
  • ​Some people may not even have a perception or opinion about you because they never see you; they don't even know you are a business owner. You aren't out there proclaiming who you are consistently. You aren't marketing enough, hiding in the shadows and getting upset when you don't get a referral. The reality is you aren't doing enough to get out there. 
  • ​If you want to be perceived a certain way, you need to market yourself a certain way and be aware of your actions. I'm not saying to posture and lie; be you, and be raw about your experiences. When you make mistakes and admit to them, it will change the perspective of those you want to refer you. Talk about how you handled a situation and how you should have handled it. 
  • ​When you are vocal about those things, you change other perceptions of you and also that of yourself. You become more aware. We are in a position with these cameras in our faces that we can change that perspective in a snap but only if we are consistent. This, in turn, will increase the profitability of your business. Think about that today. Where were you not in your power today or over the weekend? How could you talk about it? How could you be raw about it? Show people, you are aware of your mistakes, and now you are going to fix them.

More Episodes

CUSTOM JAVASCRIPT / HTML
Referrals are what can make or break your business. A good line of referrals can make you millions over the lifetime of your business; a bad referral can stop you in your tracks. The best referrals come from those who know, like, and trust you; your family and friends. What do they see when they spend time with you? A calm, confident, reasonable person or a short-tempered individual that flies off the handle at the drop of a hat? If all they see from you is that person you used to be and not the business owner you've become; not even your Mama will tell people you're in real estate.
How Are You Perceived?
  • ​Who is Hearing You? I think we all have influence in one form or another. We have significant influence over our kids and spouse; everyone perceives us in a certain way, having opinions of who we are. Everyone understands what triggers you and gets you upset or happy. 
  • ​We don't always realize that, especially when it comes to our businesses. The majority of this game will always come from referrals from the people who know, like, and trust you. Do you realize though there are some individuals, including family and friends, that are hesitant when it comes to referring you? They are not the first one to speak up and tell people that you are an agent. 
  • ​They love you, and will do anything for you, but when it comes to referring you; not so much. Think about the last time someone close to you referred you. If they talked about you consistently, referrals should be coming in every day. Why don't they refer you? I don't think we realize how we show up to other people, and how we parent, the way we handle stressful situations. 
  • ​These people have seen you at your worst and darkest moments; do you think that influences them when it comes to referrals? Do they feel you may disappoint whoever they refer to you? Do they think you may complain about the person to them if they turn out to be a bad client? 
  • ​I think that is something we all have to consider. I have been burned several times after referring a contractor, or a car detailer; they did a great job for me but not the next person. So what happens? We feel responsible for referring that person to our friends. I think they consider that when it comes to real estate knowing it's a significant purchase, and knowing your history. Let's think about how we are perceived. 
  • ​I went to the lake last weekend, and we spent a few hours out there. The whole summer my daughters wanted to use the jet skis we purchased; this was the first time this summer we used them. We have been in the middle of a home remodel for the past few months, and our jet skis were stuck behind the large garbage bin. 
  • ​We were set up in a cove with other people sitting on the shoreline, and we could hear everyone's conversations and watch them interact. There was a family that came in after us, and their kids were having a great time. The man yells suddenly for his kids to get out of the water, and I glance over, and one of the kids has his head down. The man is chastising his kid because of something he said or did. 
  • ​This poor kid, the whole point of going to the lake is to have a good time, and what will he remember? How he got chastised and put on time out. I thought he must have done something pretty bad. He told his Mom that he told the other kids to get the F off of him. I thought that was pretty harsh language; this kid is like ten years old.
  • ​I continued to observe them, and there was a lot of interaction between the adults and all they were doing was cussing up a storm. Cursing isn't bad, and my kids have heard me cuss, but they choose not to follow suit and use that language. But how could I chastise my kid for doing that if I am doing it myself? The kid is listening to all of the F-bombs dropping, what else can he be expected to do? The expectation is though that he should do the opposite of what his parents are doing. 
  • ​This same kid was getting a little rough with the other kids, and he got chastised for that also. Ten minutes later the man is on his raft with a beer in his hand, and he finds a giant earthworm. He begins to chase that kid around with it, and the kid is screaming and crying because he is terrified. What do you think that kid is going to do to other kids?
The Wedge of Hypocrisy
  • We don't realize we do things like this as parents. We get upset with our kids, our spouse, for the very things that we are doing. I had a client who wanted his kids to be football stars. It was imperative that the older son, who was a senior, got noticed by colleges. He was upset with his son because he wasn't as committed as he thought he should be. 
  • ​He wasn't committed to going to practice, working out every day and meeting up with his coaches. Now there is a big wedge between father and son because his son is not committed because he knows what it takes to go to college. He begins to resent his son, for the very things he is unwilling to do himself. It's easier to blame and put that wedge there, then to admit that he is reluctant to do the same things he is telling his son to do. 
  • ​He wasn't willing to go above and beyond to do what it takes to take his family to the next level, but it's easier to blame. He is the one stuck in the same job for 25 years and refuses to grow himself and his family. His son is doing what he is seeing and what he has seen his entire life. Now his son is as resentful as his Dad is to him. The relationship is wedged.
  • ​Taking it back to the referrals, you get upset with your family for not referring their friends to you; but what are you showing them? It's easier to feel entitled to that referral, it's easier to blame your friend for not using you, but what have they seen? We have all been in that situation. 
  • ​You can't believe they went with someone else, but what have they seen from you; the way you parent, the way you handle stress? Maybe the way you feel entitled makes them not want that stress in their lives. They understand exactly how you operate, and it's not what they are hearing but what they are seeing. 
  • ​We need to think of things when we analyze our business model and wonder why we are not getting referrals. Everything you do, including parenting, how you treat your spouse in front of your friends, will determine if they refer you or not. It has nothing to do with their love for you; they don't want to be involved in that situation, where they are embarrassed or make excuses for you. 
  • ​It happens in relationships all of the time as well. We get upset with our spouse for not accepting the new you; the person that said they were going to make changes and do certain things. When you do it, you don't have to convince anyone. So how do you change everyone's perspective of you? Everyone already has a certain perception of who you are and how you operate. How you are when you are happy, upset, or stressed. 
  • ​In this business, referrals are a major component, and we have to learn how to change others perspectives. Some of us are tied to the idea of who we were as teenagers. Until we show a significant difference in who we are to who we were back then, they will always refer to you like that 20-year-old or teenager. It is not your job to get upset with them but to continue to show others how you have grown and changed. 
  • ​You need to be aware of your behaviors. The way you respond and react to everyone, and everything will have a direct impression on they feel you will respond to certain situations. I know we all lose our cool and feel down sometimes, but if that is at the forefront of the minds of those you want to refer you; you have a long way to go. 
  • ​It doesn't mean it isn't going to happen but that you have to be more aware of your situation. Are you always complaining, continually feeling down and out? Are you continuously seeking pity because of your circumstances? Being aware of your actions is huge.
Changing Perception
  • Before you can get there you need to change your perspective of yourself and how you want to be perceived. How do you do that?
  • 1. When we make mistakes, which we will, we need to address the issue head-on. We can't pretend that blowing up didn't happen. It's easy to pass judgment on what other people are doing wrong, but I am constantly looking at myself. 'I'm not always in a place of calmness; I saw myself losing my cool on that lake. The way my daughter came in too fast to the shore; I was getting upset about it when there was no reason for it. 
  • I talked to my daughter about it, and I asked her if I embarrassed her when I questioned her about her speed; some people around heard but she said she wasn't. I needed to have that conversation and not cover up my reaction. The people closest to you will address the issue of why you lost your cool.

  • 2. You need to admit when you are wrong. If you want to change your family's perception of who you are, accept when you are wrong. Getting a great referral source from your family and friends will make you millions of dollars throughout your career. You need them on your bandwagon and to be your greatest cheerleaders. You need to have real and raw conversations with them because avoiding them will create a wedge. Avoiding things makes you feel entitled to other peoples business.

  • 3. Be aware of your behaviors. Catch yourself, and if you are in a stressful situation, how are you responding? How are others perceiving you? You need their referrals, and you need them on your team. If your mother is not referring you, your spouse isn't going above and beyond; it isn't their fault. It's how they perceive you, and that is based 100% on your actions. The way you parent, handle stress, and interact with your spouse, all influences how others perceive you. 
  • ​Some people may not even have a perception or opinion about you because they never see you; they don't even know you are a business owner. You aren't out there proclaiming who you are consistently. You aren't marketing enough, hiding in the shadows and getting upset when you don't get a referral. The reality is you aren't doing enough to get out there. 
  • ​If you want to be perceived a certain way, you need to market yourself a certain way and be aware of your actions. I'm not saying to posture and lie; be you, and be raw about your experiences. When you make mistakes and admit to them, it will change the perspective of those you want to refer you. Talk about how you handled a situation and how you should have handled it. 
  • ​When you are vocal about those things, you change other perceptions of you and also that of yourself. You become more aware. We are in a position with these cameras in our faces that we can change that perspective in a snap but only if we are consistent. This, in turn, will increase the profitability of your business. Think about that today. Where were you not in your power today or over the weekend? How could you talk about it? How could you be raw about it? Show people, you are aware of your mistakes, and now you are going to fix them.

More Episodes



A.Z. & Associates Real Estate Group - 2019