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Pushing past the pain of creating a new threshold can be difficult and leave us feeling defeated. Learning to take on the pain, accepting it as part of the growth, and not conceding to it, will bring us back stronger, more powerful and a greater appreciation for how far we have come.
The Agony of Defeat
- I’ve got some stories today, and anytime I push myself past my threshold, I am presented with a new level of perspective and appreciation; with that comes factors we can sometimes misinterpret as defeat, and misinterpret the pain as something more difficult for us. Anytime we run into an issue with business beyond our current capacity, we feel it isn't meant to be, and things get more complicated.
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I just completed 12-weeks of my training regimen; today, I began my 13th week. As time progresses, I feel I should be feeling stronger, more confident, and ready to compete at my peak, ready to take on the Ironman. Last Friday, I felt the complete opposite, felt defeated, and things were not progressing as I wanted. These things seep into your mind when you feel like you didn't come out as strong as you had hoped.
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When you go to a listing appointment and you pictured it one way, and it came out another. We begin to question ourselves in everything we do. Last Friday, we were scheduled for a two hour and five-minute run. In my mind, I was going to hit my 13.1-mile mark. The entire week I was looking forward to 13. I made adjustments and felt I was doing the right things. We do the same thing in business. When you are ready for the listing appointment, you think you are over-preparing, making adjustments, and it will be your listing. This was my thought process about my run.
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I was determined to hit 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 5 minutes. The day before, I was excited, and I went to a running store called Road Runner. I got fitted for some new insoles, got new shoes, and I was feeling great. I was going to attack the run and feel good about being able to achieve it. It was going to be a significant milestone; I have never run a half marathon on a Friday, as part of my training.
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I paid 80 dollars for my new insoles; they were supposed to give me an advantage, feel less pain, and give me what I needed to ensure I achieved my target. My new shoes were supposed to be soft and the best for long-distance running. I figured I was set and ready to go.
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As soon as I started, I felt like something was off. I didn't feel I had my legs under me, it was too humid, and I was in my head. I had imagined my start to be different than it was. Everything seemed to be resistant to my target. I started to feel a lot of pain in my right knee, and it would give out, falling asleep every once in a while. Then I was burdened by the pains in my shins, something I haven't felt in a while. I'm used to running long distances now; I have been training for quite some time, and I have a few 10+ miles runs, more than a handful of 8+ mile runs, and I can't tell you how many 5+ mile runs I have under my belt.
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To do 13 miles doesn't seem like it will be a considerable burden, just like you have closed 5 million in transactions, or 10 million, then 15 shouldn't be a burden; it's right down your alley. If you train more, do more of the things that get you to 10 million, getting to 15 should be easy, which is the thought process. When we start to get resistance, we begin to doubt all of our efforts. The entire run, I started realizing I made too many adjustments. I got the insoles, but I'm not sure I got the right shoes at that point.
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Even though I have done 10 miles several times, 12 was a new threshold for me, and it will be painful and come with its own obstacles I need to overcome. Because I did ten, and it felt great doesn't mean I will feel the same way after two more miles. It will push me because I have never done it before. I need to realize it's a new threshold for me, and when you pass a new threshold to get your business from 5 to 7, 7 to 10 or 10 to 15, it will come with its obstacles, but it doesn't mean you are preparing for it. If we misinterpret it, we can feel defeated and concede to the circumstances.
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Pushing past the pain of creating a new threshold can be difficult and leave us feeling defeated. Learning to take on the pain, accepting it as part of the growth, and not conceding to it, will bring us back stronger, more powerful and a greater appreciation for how far we have come.
The Agony of Defeat
Crossing the Threshold
- I got to a point while I was running, where my legs were throbbing; that hasn't happened to me in a long while. I couldn't get the pain away from my legs; it was shin splints, my knee, and I felt defeated. If you were to lose a listing, it feels like everything after that will be the same way. If you went on another listing appointment, you would lose it because this one didn't turn out as you wanted.
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That is where my head went. If I couldn't handle this 12-mile run, If I am lying on the floor, trying to rub my shins, putting massagers on my legs and nothing helped. I took three Advil and was still in agony. The whole time I am thinking, how am I going to do this Ironman? If I can't do this if the 12 miles put me at this level of pain and discomfort, how will I move forward? Your mind goes down a rabbit hole, and suddenly nothing is possible.
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2 miles, I am feeling defeated, my legs hurt, tomorrow I have to do a 3 ½ hour bike ride; how will I do the swimming, the cycling, and then running all in one day. It seemed impossible, and it still seems tough, but I have a different outlook today. At that moment, I felt so defeated. I realize now it was a threshold I surpassed. Just because I have done the ten doesn't mean the 12 will come easy; it's a new threshold. Maybe the listing you lost was the one that would put you past your last threshold.
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Maybe you were only listing ten homes a year, and this one that came up would give you more than you have ever done before. There will be a new number of challenges we didn't foresee. It doesn't mean we discredit the other listings that we had in the past, and I can't discredit the hundreds of miles I have run in the past. It was a bad training day, and it doesn't mean everything after that is going to be the same way. If I accept the bad moment, then I accept defeat and concede the journey is over.
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If I buy into it, I will realize my journey is over, which is how it ends. I had to make adjustments. Every time we feel defeated, it doesn't mean the journey is over, it means we have to pivot and make adjustments. The first thing I did was take those insoles out of my shoe. I am 41 years old and have been running without custom insoles for a long time. I now realize the custom insoles, twisted out my knee, which caused pain. I had to take another look at the things that didn't work for me; even though I made the adjustments, it didn't mean those adjustments were good for me.
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I had to analyze and realize some things didn't work for me. I made the necessary adjustments again within 24 hours. Maybe you revamped your entire listing presentation, and it didn't work; big deal, it doesn't mean it's the end of your listing career. It says it didn't work for a few reasons; you pivot, make adjustments. One of the things we can't do is dwell. I couldn't sit there and say, “Because my legs hurt this much, I can't go the next day for the bike ride.”
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I allowed myself to feel the pain, recover, and begin to analyze what and how I got there, to begin with. It doesn't mean you stop marketing after the defeat and loss of a listing. It doesn't mean you don't come back stronger. When you are in that space, you are analyzing, making adjustments, and the things you thought would work didn't. Lesson learned, move forward powerfully, and remind yourself that you have been here before. With any great success, there will be a fair share of challenges. No success is free from challenges.
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I want to come out strong in this Iron Man, so I have to feel the pains right now. When I am there on game day, I will know what it will take, the mindset I need, and the pain threshold I will need to complete the competition. This is what it's all about. I had to keep my composure and realize it was a bad training day; it doesn't define me or means that I can't complete Ironman 70.3. I make the adjustments, and that is what I did. The next day, I went out for a hard 3 ½ hour bike ride, and it was a complete 180 of what I felt the day before. Not only did I finish powerfully, but it was also the longest and hardest bike ride I have ever done. It was hard, not the longest at 64 miles, but it was hard. It was fast-paced at 18.4 mph.
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This was following the day I didn't feel I could do more. I allowed myself the space to remind myself what I am made of. I have faced defeat and pain before; nothing has stopped me so that it won't stop me now. We have to reassure ourselves and tell ourselves the things we have done. Because we had a bad outing that does not define us moving forward, I killed that bike training, and I made sure I was in the lead position the entire way. I wanted to make sure that I followed the regime to the tee. I wanted to feel the pain and remind myself that although things aren't always pictured, I can bounce back and make sure I am on the right track.
Time in the Game
Opportunities for Growth
- Madeline was there, and she felt a little embarrassed because her team wasn't that good. She was eyeing her club volleyball team, and they were trying to support Madeline, and she was embarrassed because her school team was not as good as the club team. She got so into her head that she started to miss the easy balls. She got so caught up she ended up running into one of her teammates and completed winded her. Now Madeline is on the floor running around and making things worse because she was caught up in what her friends might be thinking. She called me, and I could tell in her voice she wanted to cry. When you're a Dad, and you have a young daughter, you think the worst. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong if someone did something to her. She told me to come quickly, and I was like what the heck happened?
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I'm not thinking she got embarrassed; I am thinking the absolute worse. I am speeding to the gym, and her eyes are swelling up with tears. She was in her head, and she completely broke down and told me how embarrassed she was. She told me how bad she did, and how her friends don't think she is any good. She completely discounted the fact that she had been handling the ball since she was 3. She had a bad outing and forgot about all the great things she has done over the years. She has been a starter on her club team from the beginning. She forgot all of these things and was caught up in the moment—a bad showing.
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I did for her what I did for myself. I gave her time to get it out and realize that it wasn't her. I reminded her that her team doesn't define her. In this situation, she needs to take a leadership role and encourage your teammates to get better. It doesn't mean you're going to come down to that level, or that she is coming down because they are unable to rise, Madeline has more time behind the ball. Just like our top producers. It doesn't mean you are less likely to succeed; they have more time in the game. When you do the right things over time, you will get similar results.
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I asked Madeline how long she had been playing the sport? She had answered since she was three. Just because you had a bad showing, doesn't mean that this is the person you are moving forward. All of us get to a point where we don't operate where we should be; it doesn't mean we are incapable of bouncing back. She knows exactly what to do, and I reminded her of that. You know exactly what to do, and after a bad challenge, we need to remind ourselves we know exactly what to do.
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If we go down the slippery slope of doubt, it will get worse. Madeline started wondering if she would make the school team; that is where the emotion takes us until we remind ourselves we have been there before. It gives me a lot of pride and appreciation for being able to take on these moments and be there for her. I have always faced them myself. It is a different level, but to her, it is very real, it is the end of the world to an eleven-year-old. Being able to be there and acknowledge she needs guidance, gave me a sense of appreciation. When you are continually looking at how you can improve yourself, what moves to make, how to pivot, you can see the opportunities.
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I know how I have reacted in other situations. I have been impatient and told Madeline she has been making a big deal out of nothing; stop crying. I have done that a few times, and that is a real reaction for me. We have all been in that place. When you are on a path of continued growth and expansion, looking back and making adjustments pivoting, you can see the opportunities we all have. That will give you more confidence and courage to live in integrity with the things you have to do. It was a moment I could flourish in as a Dad, and I am proud of that.
In Closing
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A.Z. & Associates Real Estate Group - 2019